Phantom Pain
by RoseLight
Summary: A haunted Hawkeye is confronted by a blonde ghost


Phantom Pain

Everything tasted salty to him. There was salt weighing down the very ocean breeze. There was salt in her kisses, her tears, on their frantically dueling tongues, even the sand they squirmed on was gritty against their skin, glistening in the moonlight. "Stop-" she panted, "I—can't—breathe-" He rolled over onto his back, with a ridiculously wide sublime smile. He was exhaling hard into the shadows.

"I thought—it was sposed—to be cooler-- at the beach, I mean" she gasped.

"Depends on the company."

She moved to slap playfully at him, but he grabbed her arm, trailing tiny kisses from her shoulder to her fingertips, and back up again, sucking at the tender junction of her throat. His lips caught the beat of her blood coursing past her carotid artery; his heart pounded out the same primitive rhythm. His tongue explored the sweet tunnel of her ear and she squealed and shuddered.

"Only another week and we're going home," she clutched at him, pulling him closer. "How can I stand it? How can- "

"Don't leave-" he ordered, staring down into her eyes. "Don't leave-" he begged, whispering against her skin.

"To think when the summer started, I didn't even know you existed. Now I don't know how I can exist without you."

He sat up abruptly. "Look….I heard about this place, over the state line. They waive the waiting period, the physical, everything, as long as you have the fifteen bucks for the license…"

"Then I'm safe," she teased. "You'll never be able to save up that much from your allowance." He settled one hand on either side of her face and poured his kiss into her. She was stunned; her eyes were wide and full of him. "You make me forget every sensible plan I've ever had," her voice shook.

"Good." He leaned across and caught her lips again. "Say 'yes', dammitt," he growled.

"Don't curse."

"Trying to reform me already? You don't have the right to do that, until the ring's on your finger, instead of dangling on a string around your succulent little neck." He attempted to nuzzle her again.

She shook back her hair and let him. "Say 'please,'" she giggled. "Say 'pretty-please.'"

"Pretty-please," he repeated. "Pretty-please, pretty Peggy Hayden. You don't really want to go back to Quagmire…"

" That's Quapaw," she corrected him. Again. "But I must admit, the east coast has ..well, natural wonders that I never experienced on the prairie…"

"Wicked child…" he waggled his eyebrows at her.

"But Hawkeye, my parents…"

"You're seventeen. I'm a senior. All I'd have to do is change my dorm request to married housing, and we're off to college next fall, together." He took both her hands, gazed earnestly into her eyes. " Peggy, Peggy, I know that together, we can do anything!"

A frown formed between her blonde brows. "You don't think I'll distract you from your studies? Pre-med is tough enough without-"

"I am counting on you distracting me. You'll be my inspiration, my muse, my chambermaid-"

"I love you, Hawkeye Pierce"

"I love you, pretty Peggy pre-Pierce. But it's late. C'mon, I'll walk you back." He pulled her to her feet, wrapped his arm around her waist.

She leaned her head against his shoulder. "Ever ponder the improbable nature of the universe, Hawk?"

"Hm?"

"I mean, if my parents hadn't come east for vacation this summer…"

"And if my summer job in Cranston hadn't fallen through…"

"And if you hadn't been strolling on the beach that precise day…"

"And if you hadn't been sunbathing in that itsy-bitsy-teeney-weeney-yellow polka-dot bikini..."

She blushed in his arms. "And if you hadn't broken up with What's-her-name…"

"I forget."

"Very good—it was a trick question."

"Peggy, I mean it. About eloping. I know girls like to plan a big bash, and you could, y'know, if that would make you happy, but-"

"But I don't want to wait; I'd rather be a wife than a bride; I want a lifetime with you, not a few hours in a fancy dress," she declared passionately.

"How about a few hours with me, without the fancy dress…"

She poked him in the ribs. "Now that's the kind of offer that will get me grounded for life…"

He considered that. "Well, at least then you wouldn't meet any other guys."

"I don't want any other guys."

"Then before you come to your senses, I propose that we meet here tomorrow at twilight, drive across the border and make us legal."

xxxxxxxxxx

Hawkeye Pierce groused, ambled downstairs and finally opened his door to the persistent knock.

"Beej!" He found himself engulfed in his best friend's boisterous embrace—and his eyes drilled straight into his memory of fifteen years ago.

"Hawk, I couldn't stand it anymore. Every time we tried to make plans to see each other, something would come up, on your end, or ours. I just decided to pick up and surprise you."

Hawkeye was very surprised. Yes indeedy.

"I'm sorry if our visit is inconvenient, Dr. Pierce," the black and white vision from hundreds of his tent-mate's photos colored to life. "I told him we ought to call…" he heard her echoing "I don't want any other guys…"

"Don't be silly, Mrs. Hunnicut—Peg-- I feel like I've known you for years…." In his happiness to be reunited with his old pal, BJ missed the sharpness of Pierce's tone.

"It's great! Finally, my best friend, and my best wife, all of us, on the same porch together. Hawk, I've told her a million stories, and Peg, I babbled to him for hours about you--This is great!" BJ repeated joyfully.

"Great!" Peg and Hawkeye agreed in unison, eyes locking on each other.

Xxxxxxxxxx

BJ was exhausted after several days of hard driving, and the heavy lobster dinner had tucked him into bed early, snoring deeply. Peggy Hayden post-Pierce Hunnicut crept down Pierce's stairs, her eyes adjusting to the darkness. She could make out his profile across the parlor. He turned to stare straight through her, expectantly. "So… ponder the improbable nature of the universe lately?'

He shrugged.

"I couldn't sleep; thought I'd take a stroll on the beach." She hesitated. "Join me?"

"I wouldn't recommend that, " he warned. "It's haunted, you know."

She shook her head. " The ghosts are gathered here tonight. You. Me."

"What the hell is the matter with you?" Hawkeye hissed.

"I couldn't come up with any more lame excuses… he even arranged for my parents to keep Erin. He's been pestering me about this little road trip ever since he got home. Believe me, I'm no happier about this than you are."

"Two Years. I spent two years in hell, staring into your pictures, day and night. Pictures of your baby. Hearing your heartfelt letters to him over and over til I could spit them out in my sleep."

"And how do you suppose I felt, when he wrote me about his new best buddy, his tent mate, the last of the Mohicans from Maine…all those memories… I was panicked, for weeks, that you'd say something…you had the power to ruin our lives…"

"Well, funny thing. I happen to like the guy. Y'know?"

"Yeah. I know."

"I waited." His words did not need any interpretation.

"I knew you would."

"So….?"

"Does it really matter now?"

"Yes, dammitt, I think I deserve an explanation."

"Still cursing," she observed.

"With more reason, now. And you have less right than ever to reform me."

She turned away from him, spoke quietly. "My parents were waiting for me that night. They had everything packed up, shoved me in the car and drove back to Oklahoma without stopping. Apparently what's-her-name had a very big mouth."

"Did they break your fingers, too? Gag you?" He asked viciously. "You couldn't write—you couldn't call?"

"I promised never to contact you again."

"And you kept it?"

"I had to."

"Oh, for God's sake, Peggy, I know they were your parents, but-"

"There were reasons."

He took her shoulders and spun her around to face him. "More important than us?"

"I thought so. And you could've written, you know."

"That's where we're different. I wasted postage for weeks."

"Oh, Hawk," she faltered. "I didn't know. Honestly. I never got your mail. They must've…" She could tell by his glare that nothing but the truth would do now. "Just try getting into a pre-med program with a statutory rape conviction on your record."

His face was a blank of disbelief. "What are you talking about? Who—how--"

"On the way home, I got really sick. They took me to the hospital…" she bit her lip; he could tell she had never said these words aloud before. She dropped her head and he could barely hear her. "The doctor told my parents I had an early miscarriage, advised them to press charges since I was so young. I begged them…"

He watched her shoulders shaking in the shadows. "Peggy….I am so, so sorry…" He put an arm around her and drew her close. "All those years…" he murmured helplessly. "I am so sorry, Peggy. I wish I'd known…wish I'd been there for you…"

"It wouldn't've changed anything then," she shook her head sadly. "And it can't change anything now."

"It can't?" he repeated incredulously. "It doesn't?" he raised his voice. She closed her eyes slowly, to block out the naked need in his face. He cleared his throat, calmed and quiet again. "No, of course not. Are you happy?" he whispered, smoothing back her hair with his hand.

"Of course," she replied too quickly. "I have Erin. BJ is wonderful. Are you?"

"Wonderful? You bet."

She stared at him for eight full heart beats without blinking. "Are you happy?"

"Sure," he answered without thought or conviction. "Better snuggle back to bed, BJ will notice you're gone."

She cocked her head quizzically. "How do you know that?"

"Because I've noticed you're gone."


End file.
